Thoughts on Suicide and Death

Alright, it sounds morbid... and it probably is. No worries y'all, I'm not currently suicidal. But I was thinking about it and I'd like to share.

So, in some states it is illegal to attempt suicide. It's grounds for immediate involuntary commitment in all of them (or pretty much all I think). As a society we tend to believe that killing yourself is wrong, that it is bad. But I got to thinking (one time when I WAS suicidal)... Why is it wrong? Why is it bad? Who is it wrong for? Who is it bad for? Not for the person committing it. They're dead, what do they care. I think it's cultural. When it comes right down to it the laws against it, the laws that are there to try and help prevent it are not in place for the person considering it but for the people who will be affected by that persons suicide. In reality it is there to spare THOSE people the pain that the suicide of a loved one would cause.

Now it's pretty much a guarantee that just about everyone who has thought about suicide, shared those thoughts with others, or attempted it has heard how selfish it is. But I wonder... is it just as selfish for those who care about the person to stop them from killing themselves just so they won't feel the pain that comes with the loss? I mean, come on, when I've been suicidal, when I have thought seriously of killing myself, when I have longed for it and regretted the fact that I was unable to actually act on that overwhelming desire to find some sort of peace because of thoughts of what my suicide would do to those who care about me... I was miserable... you couldn't get to the bottom of a deeper hole than I was at. I felt stuck... trapped in a miserable, hopeless existence because I was once again thinking of others first... almost as if it were THEY who had me trapped. And, in a way it was. If not for them I probably wouldn't be here to write this blog. If not for what it would have done to those who love me, I'd more than likely be six feet underground by now (or however deep they bury folks). Am I sad that I am still around? Right now, not really. But then I was miserable. Then I would have given anything to be able to get rid of those feelings of hopelessness, emptiness and depression that made me feel like suicide was the only way out. I can remember at least one time almost crying (almost because I am usually incapable of crying when I feel the need) because cutting hadn't worked and suicide was the only way I could think to stop feeling so damn awful... and I couldn't do it because of what it would do to others...

So before you throw the 'Suicide is selfish' defense at someone who is considering it... think about how they might be feeling about it... Is it selfish of you to ask that person to continue in a miserable existence so that you will not feel the pain of losing them?