Unfortunatly I just do not know what else to do. So I have applied for what amounts to a temporary disability of sorts. Please understand that I do not want to be a drain on society, though that is what I will become should I be awarded this assistance. But as I said before I honestly don't know what else to do. *shakes head at self in confusion and disgust* I haven't had any medication (for those of you who haven't read my blog before I have taken antidepressents in the past) for about two months because that which I had been taking was not working (though it seems to have been better than nothing as I am doing worse now *shrug*). I cannot afford to try new ones because I am out of work. And I've not worked for some months now (and before that something like six months or so without work) and that could hardly even be called part time (I worked four hours a day, Saturday and Sunday, for about three months). I don't really want to go into it all, it always sounds so stupid and melodramatic even to myself but at the same time I know that it is very real.
The real purpose of this entry, really, was simply to ask that you do whatever it is you do, be it pray or just send out good thoughts regarding this. I'm going to call on Wednesday to see if they've gotten the psych eval I had on the 29th of last month. I think they should. I actually expect that they'll tell me what they've decided when I call. And I'm really rather worried. Because as much as I dislike things like doctors appointments and therapy and the like I know that it has become necessary. I honestly want to be a functioning member of society. I'd like to have a job. I'd like to go back to school. I just need some help to get back to the point where I can do those things. I hate to say that. I sometimes loath myself for it. But that is where I am.
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