I've tried for ages now to come up with a good description of how I feel after that SEVER MD episode I had a few years back. I've been up and down since, never really Normal but never as bad as that last (meds here and there are probably mostly responsible for keeping me from the bottom of the Pit). Yesterday, while discussing with a friend the despondency I've been feeling since recently being denied DL benefits (what I tell people is essentially a temporary disability) I came up with what seems to be to be the best analogy by far. Because I haven't ever felt that I 'got over' that (and yes, I know how melodramatic that sounds, still, it's the truth). It's like I was beaten to a bloody pulp (yeah, it's a little graphic, sorry)... and I never really healed from it. I'm not bloody any more (this is just an analogy for how it feels and has nothing to do with the SI I engage in), that's true, so it may be a little harder to tell or to believe that I am still not doing well. But I've not healed. I still feel tender and raw and extremely painful. Sometimes just simply movement hurts too much.
*shakes head* So there it is. It's not great... but I think it's pretty accurate. The closest I've gotten, at any rate.
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