"You have a lot of scars... it's just something that you do"

He didn't mean anything by it. I actually think he was trying to be understanding. And odds are his telling them those things was a big part of why mental health didn't come and harass me that day in the emergency room (they didn't even call like they had said they would, much to my relief, if I'm being honest). All that aside though... "I told them you have a lot of scars [...] it's just something you do"... I think it was that bit which unsettled me so much. "It's what I do" or "It's just what I do" are phrases I have used several times in the past... but never about my SI. About my music... about my caring for people... I've said it about those things. To have the phrase I use when talking about positive things in my life, positive aspects of my character, be used in reference to my self injury... and especially by a medical professional... I wonder how many doctors have treated SI like that. Again, I'm not saying it was bad... it's just strange that he used that phrase.

I can't do anything about the scars I have... heaven knows if there was a way for me to get rid of them I would (I stopped counting before I got to my legs... with 300+ scars on the rest of my body I figured I didn't need to count the rest... it's enough to say 'a lot'). But I can stop adding to the ones I already have. I just don't want hurting myself (a phrase I don't care much for but it's what is) to be just something I do. So I'm trying to stop. I've made it eight days so far and it has been anything but easy. But I've made it eight days. I made it nine months once before... here's hoping I make it past that this time. Maybe I'll make it from now on...