It was his 'you have a lot of scars, and it is just something you do' comment, and the nurse coming in with the water and the antibiotics. At least I think that is what it was. *shakes head* To be honest I really don't know. I do know that I have never before felt this way after having a cut seen to.
Unsettled is actually a very good word, thanks Han :) (strange to talk to someone directly in my blog, lol). As to why... yeah, I just don't really know. As I said about I believe it centers mostly around the interaction I had with the doctor regarding Comprehensive and, even more strangely, being given my first dose of antibiotics while I was there. *shakes head* I think it might have hit me then, that there really is 'a problem'. But how much sense does it make that an ER visit where I mostly dealt with two very kind, understanding individuals (and didn't have to talk to mental health) would be a time I 'realize' that something is wrong with the behavior that landed me there in the first place (my cutting)? *shakes head* And probably most unfortunately is that... I think that is what was so unsettling (realizing that something is wrong)... but I don't know if there is much I can do about that realization. Because I cannot seem to take it much farther than that... and while I am still feeling unsettled (really good word choice, thanks again Han, lol) and I am pretty sure that is why... I cannot... I am not sure that I really want to stop. *shrug* I don't know. I really don't. And that seems to be the most unsettling part of it all.
1 comment:
Any ideas why ur feeling so unsettled or whatever since this cut? Im glad ur ER experience wasnt as bad as u thought it was going to be. Perhaps u wont be so quick to dismiss going again should u have the need (which i very much hope u dont!!)
It sounds like an almighty cut, whether uve had worse or not, i still really wish u hadnt done it and hope u dont again.
It does seem like ur cutting a lot more lately (not that we've talked that much), i doubt ull want to but i really think its something u need to mention to the clinic ppl when u go next. If since having the meds ur now cutting more...then clearly somethings not right and they should be aware of that so they can figure out how to help.
Hopefully we'll talk soon, i wont be around on the weekend but maybe in the next couple days ull surface on msn even just for a few mins to say hi. Miss u and shoving u!
Take care please, Han
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