She basically asked me to give her permission to kill herself. To let her go. She says all this at the same time she asks me to not talk to our mutual friend. So I had no one. (I'm a terrible friend. I did tell our friend. She just kept on and I couldn't do it. Unfortunately it just made things worse for our friend. I didn't mean it to but I should have known)
She keeps saying it doesn't matter. That we shouldn't care. But it does matter. We do care.
All three of us are so stressed. We're all so touchy. For the most part, none of us want to burden the others. It's no good for any of us but we are all three so alike it is no surprise.
I wonder how much SI will go on because of this? I hope for my friends, none (especially for the one as, well, we just never know with her now). For me... maybe some burning, I don't know. The good news is, I guess, that I'm pretty numb feeling right now so most of this is only having so much effect. Burning... it probably isn't necessary (which is good because I don't have much in the way of first aid supplies here).
2 comments:
Hi honey,
I'm glad you are helping your friend, she is crying out for help. I too used to SI (cutting). I have learned that the road to recovery is learning about the severe anxiety we have inside, SI is a way to feel when we feel numb. It also feels good in a way that only SI's can understand. What works for me is a program I found on the internet called panic away. I wrote a panic away review, why don't you check it out? You are in my thoughts. xx
Well I am glad to see the past tense there when you talk about SI. I would like to point out that people SI for many reason not just anxiety (I sometimes do it because the depression I feel is just SO deep). I should check out that review for sure, maybe my friend would like it.
Thanks for reading!
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