Too Much of a Good Thing?

I know, I complain a lot about the help I recieve. It's not that it's bad or anything, it's just that... I guess I'm still humiliated on some level, though I would never tell my therapist that. More than that though, it just continues to take me places I'd rather not go... which I know is the point... but sometimes I wonder if it can do more harm than good some days.

I hate being asked how I'm feeling at that moment, what I'm thinking, can I elaborate on something. Mostly, if it has anything to do with feelings, especially how I'm feeling at that moment, I'd rather not discuss it.
He (my therapist) did a lot of that today. In a fifty minute session he 'checked in' at lest half a dozen times. He also applied a common strategy as far as therapy goes (we learned it in my helping interview class winter term) and matched my tone, and, to a larger extent, my affect. Good strategy, ment to make the client feel at ease... and it's usually pretty effective... however the quiet, patient, 'soft' tone and demeanor is also something I just don't handle very well (weird I know... I blame my impatient, abusive dad for at least part of that)... I ALMOST asked him to knock it off (stopped myself just in time... after all he's only doing his job).

OK, therapy, whatever, that's not a lot, I'll agree with you.

Add the meds appointments where I've also got to go through similar (though thankfully less detailed) discussions as to how I'm feeling, how has my cutting been, my drinking...

Add to THAT the case worker who is pretty much like a therapist only this guy even asks me if I've got enough to eat (and if I'm eating enough... yes, and no *shrug*). Last weeks appointment included discussion about my depression (how long, etc) cutting (how often, how deep, what I use :-s, etc).

OK, what am I complaning about, there are lots of people who want help but are unable to get it, and here I am with what I consider to be an overabundance...

*shrug* I'm stupid I suppose (or at least a little silly). I hate it, I can't stand it... I feel humiliated. I know it's unreasonable... Y'all have 'hear' me say more than once that I am aware of my double standard when comparing myself to others... that I lack the patience and understanding that I naturally extend to others. I've got a BA in psychology for crying out loud!!! You'd think I'd get it together. And intelectually I know all that good stuff... It's just the rest of me that has a hard time coming to terms with it.

Pointless blog, but it almost feels better to have written it. Almost.