Exactly what it says. A reaction to my supervisor at work bothering me (AGAIN) about my cutting... Not just toward this one person though...
"For heaven sake, please, JUST STOP!!! Don't you know it makes things WORSE?! Don't fuss, don't care, don't bother! Don't worry about me, don't try and take care of me or figure me out! I cut, yes. I've ODd several times (not that you know that). I've wished to die, seen myself slitting my wrists. I know how many pills I need and the best way to do it. So you have every reason TO worry. But don't. If it happens it happens. There will be no stopping it. It will be a well thought out decision. But you won't be able to stop it. And fussing over me, coddeling me... It just makes things worse. So please, stop. You just push me closer..."
2 comments:
Hi I just stumbled across your blog. I suffer from borderline personality disorder, and my husband is bipolar. We are both former cutters.
I remember how much it made things worse for me when I was cutting to have someone worry about me. I was in control of it, so they didn't have to worry. I can see why they worry though; most people are pretty ignorant when it comes to cutting. They seem to think you're trying to kill yourself. No amount of explaining ever helps. They will always think you're trying to kill yourself, so they always worry.
Good luck. I hope you'll check out my blog sometime when you have the chance (http://bpdokc.blogspot.com)
Hello,
I just read the last few pages of your blog and found it your take on the issues of SI, the moral correctness of suicide, and the Empty feeling very intelligent and interesting.
Having attempted suicide a year and a half ago, I find other people's expiriences in similar places fascinating.
Post a Comment